Of late I have been drawn to matters relating to women in the workforce and their experiences as they try to get at the top of the corporate ladder. This is a topic I used to ignore in the past, and just brush off; fearing that someone would see me reading an article about empowerment of women and brand me a feminist, and then have to deal with the hell and fury that follows such people who label themselves as feminists. Well, for this article, I will clearly point this out;
I am a feminist.
And you can quote me on that. I will not shy away from the connotation that comes with the word and I will definitely not explain myself, interpret it as you may. However, I get distraught when people write articles about empowerment of women and downplay the role that institutions and culture have in this matter. I also get a lot more worried when others write articles about empowerment of women in a manner to suggest that in order for women to thrive, men must not thrive. It is equally annoying.
Here’s my two cents; life is not a competition and we will achieve more if we work together regardless of there being scarce resources as the laws of economics state, but do you know what is worse than not having enough for everybody, it is a mind of scarcity; it is an attitude that there WILL NEVER be enough for everyone. It is a silent fear that for the minority to have access to these resources, the majority will have to go down. No one has ruled out that we CAN have enough for everyone given that we take certain measures, but because this would mean creating things that we cannot see and that means getting uncomfortable (and human beings hate discomfort) that is quickly forgotten and the competition ensues.
I think the same thinking applies in people’s minds when they say that women cannot ‘rule’ the world. Most women are not really interested in ‘ruling’ the world (I am speaking for myself here), most of us just want to be able to progress in our careers, have a family and be happy with both of these without having to sacrifice one for the other or feel guilty about having it all or having one of these.
I digress.
One of the reasons attributed to many women not being at top level positions in the corporate world is their lack of confidence. That men tend to over-value their work and over-promise on what they can deliver whereas women tend to downplay their achievements and be modest when stating what they can and cannot do, this is interpreted as lack of confidence. It has also been said, and somehow proved, that women will think of themselves as unworthy and undeserving of opportunities whereas men will think more of themselves than they really are. This makes me wonder; is it not prudent to be modest about how you sell yourself, and tell only that which you can do, since when did over-promising become a show of confidence?
What is more interesting to me is that when you do see a woman who is beaming in confidence and assertiveness, we tend to quickly put her in a category that is always negative in an attempt to explain how ‘man-like’ she is. We label her as unhappy, having daddy issues, sexually dissatisfied, or having marital problems and that is why she is so. This thinking already assumes that confidence is something unique to men and when seen in women, is a sign that she is trying to become a man; this perspective spews across both genders, which makes this even sadder.
A case in point is the life of Nobel Laureate, the Late Wangari Maathai. She was an ambitious environmentalist from Kenya who gotten beaten up and mistreated numerous times by the Kenyan government for being against deforestation among other threats to forests. I vividly remember graphic scenes of her hair braids being pulled off her head by officers from the general service unit and her face covered in blood as a result of beatings she had received whilst demonstrating against the destruction of the only natural forest in Nairobi for development of buildings. The word on the street then was, ‘That woman is being stubborn because she does not have a husband’ and ‘ She deserves what is getting, if I was the GSU, I would beat her into a pulp!’. Years later, when she won the Nobel Peace prize, being the first African woman to win the prize; then the word on the street became, “We are so proud of Wangari Maathai, she is the definition of a strong black woman, all girls should aspire to be like her” and afterwards many awards were created in her name and scholarships too, in aid of girls who want to pursue environmental studies.
Let me point out that I am using the phrase ‘word on the street’ to represent a bunch of people who I would listen to having this discussion, and just in case you are wondering, they are the same people that made the former and the latter statement.
Here lies the problem.
While I commend their change of heart and perspective on Wangari Maathai, I have now come to understand that this is how the world works. When a girl is young, we tell her, ‘Little girl, make sure you grow up to be fearless and confident in yourself. Believe in yourself and let no one bog you down and follow your passion’, then we immediately turn our backs and start insulting a popular woman who is following her passion in defending the rights of a minority and call her all sorts of things and say, ‘ that is what happens when women go passed 30 years without getting married, they are lonely and that is why they have time to act so foolishly’.
The little girl grows up seeing that there is a price for her ‘fearless and confident self’ that wants to pursue her passion. She must be ready to take a word bashing, or even a physical one, from people, women and men alike, because of her passion. So in her effort to avoid a bashing, she tones down, does what society expects of her, because she does not want to be that ‘foolish’ woman. In the work place, the woman who gets work done and achieves results is more often the one who people tend to dislike, because of her ‘overly assertive behavior’ and others will go as far as calling it ‘compulsive’.
Until we realize this oxymoron that we feed our daughters with regarding how they should- and should not- be confident and/or assertive, this will forever be an issue of discussion. It all starts with a change in perspective; women deserve to be confident, and no, we are just different and chose to sell what we can do, it is not a lack of confidence but a show of integrity. Our leadership styles are different and our assertiveness is not an attempt to become ‘man-like’ but a measure that everyone needs to take to get things done. How I yearn for the day this concept shall be understood.
Until then, I continue to rant.
Muthoni 